S5E61: If “one step at a time” never feels like enough

Full transcript:

Good morning, happy Monday, and welcome to the final week of Season 5 of the Language Confidence Project, the daily dose of language courage for people who love languages, and those who really don't, but have to learn one anyway. And just a quick date for your diary, season 6 will begin on Monday the 29th of April.

I'm taking a slightly longer break than normal because I am working incredibly hard behind the scenes on both a book and a YouTube channel to spread as much language courage as possible. So stay tuned this week for updates on where else you'll be able to find all the Language Confidence Project pep you need over the podcast break.

So, on to today's episode.

How many of you have such high hopes for your evenings only to find you're too tired when you get there? How many of you right now get through the day by promising yourself all the fun things you're going to do, the creative things, the going out to events, the series you're going to start, only to find that at the end of the day, you've got no energy left and you just kind of sit and scroll or daydream or worry or drift through your evenings on autopilot instead?

How many of you are putting all your everything into your work every day only to find that once the work is done, there is nothing left for you?

And whenever this comes up, either for me or for all the people that I've talked to about this, it's normally met with the phrases like “you've got to pace yourself”, “it's a marathon not a sprint”, “take it one step at a time!”.

But for so many of us in this community, it doesn't matter how many times we hear those phrases. It doesn't matter how many times we repeat to ourselves “one step at a time!”. It is really hard. We can't take it one step at a time. We can't stop sprinting. And so today, if this is you, if one step at a time never feels like enough, I have a question for you.

And that is why is one step at a time not enough? Is it that you're genuinely excited to push yourself to find your limit and to see what great things you can achieve today and every day? Or, do you only feel like you've given enough when you're exhausted?

Because actually, I think so many of us are so used to the idea that we only deserve rest, or that we've only put enough hours in, when we're stressed or drained or run down.

And this is something that I'm still battling with, which is why it comes into the podcast so often. We keep needing to remind ourselves and re-teach ourselves.

But the reality is, it's hard to spend every day carrying the enormity of the whole journey with you. It's hard to do one task when you're always worrying about how that task fits into the whole journey and whether it's enough. It's hard to be constantly in a cycle of pushing yourself to mentally or physically burning out, and then guilting yourself through the recovery of said burnout.

And the thing is, neither of those tactics yield very much, it's just that they add enough weight so that you can tell yourself at the end of the day that you did tough things today.

But here's the thing, they never had to be that tough.

And the other thing is that when we use being acceptably drained at the end of the day as our North Star, we also invite inefficiency in. We become like hamsters on a wheel, eager to just exert, to put our energy into anything in order to pay our dues.

We aren't looking for the quickest, the easiest, the most logical ways to move ourselves forward. Because all we know is tired. All we're subconsciously aiming for, is “tired”.

So what if, today and this week, you focused on one task a day that you know will be a clear stride towards your overall goal? Shift the focus away from being busy and put it firmly on progress towards that one goal. And when the task is done, when you've reached that goal for the day, that is your cue to stop.

See what it feels like to go into evening relaxation, or socialising, or hobbies, with a decent amount of battery power left.

Because your energy isn't just for doing as many useful things as you possibly can.

You deserve to enjoy your energy too, and to be able to give it freely to your interests, and your family, and your friends without worrying that you're getting seriously close to empty.

So slowly, gradually, teach yourself how to stop with some energy left over for other things. Teach yourself how to stop when you still feel good.

And give yourself permission to see that just because it doesn't feel like a burden, it doesn't mean you're not working hard and it doesn't mean it's not working.

And finally, a super quick reminder that if you listen to the podcast and you think “I'd love to say hi to Emily and tell her all about my language journey”, then the time is now! I enjoyed the 100 Conversations project so much last year that I decided to bring it back. And the idea is that I'm inviting listeners of the podcast to book a 30-minute call with me just so that I can meet you, get to know you, find out how your language journey is going and what carving your own path means to you. And I would love for you to be part of this, whether you're a new listener or one of the wonderful people that I met last year. And just as it was before, these calls are never going to be recorded or used for content generation. There won't be any sales pitches, nothing like that. It is just a chance for us to meet each other and have a conversation about languages. So, if you would like to book a call, either to speak for the first time or to update me on how things have been going since last year, head to my Instagram bio on @teawithemily or my website www. languageconfidenceproject.com, and both of those are in the show notes. And I really hope we chat soon!

Have a wonderful Monday, look after yourselves, be kind to yourselves, and I will see you back here at 7am UK time tomorrow.